Often I am led by my heart instead of my head. Case in point, my first blog. I realize that I should have started off Evan's World with the story of how Evan came to be. So, for posterity's sake, let me do that now. You see, to some Evan may be just an ordinary child born to two ordinary people and that may hold true, but to me he is nothing short of a miracle. He was the child that I never thought to hold in my arms, only to continue to carry in my heart. That's all he had ever been. Just a whisper of a dream. A remnant of a wish that died with my fading youth. Several years ago, after some health issues, an extremely bad marriage, and surpassing an age that I believed to be "safe" for having a child I gave up on ever having a family of my own. What had once been a flame of desire scorching my very soul now was but a mere flicker of a forgotten dream. I resigned myself to the fact and decided that I would be the best "dog" mom ever. Long story short, I met a wonderful man, remarried, bought our first home, and settled down with our only child, Bella. Bella, for those of you that don't know me personally, is our Rottie. We made her our child and spoiled her rotten. Are you hearing my biological clock beating out a staccato in the background yet? Rest assured; I did. That annoying little tick had turned into a full-fledged, outright, blaring foghorn intent on driving me mad. Some instincts never leave us and although my marriage, home, career, and even my dog fulfilled my life there was an important element missing. My selfish heart just couldn't be content with what I had provided it. No, we needed that one little thing I had deemed myself able to spend my life without....yep, a little wriggling bundle of joy of my very own to nurture and love. I had a serious void to fill and quite possibly no way of attaining satisfaction. Research is a big thing for me. I google everything imaginable sometimes for nothing more than my own amusement. Yes, I'm a geek at heart. So, I set about checking every possible complication that could arise during a pregnancy for someone with my advanced maternal age (that's the really technical term for old ;)) and with the pre-existing condition that I had. Also I checked on anything that may be detrimental to my child. Nothing overly risky much more than there could be in any routine pregnancy so I set to work on the paternal unit. Now, I must be forthright and tell you that it would've been a much easier task to convince a fence post that baby and I would both come out unscathed than it was to convince Darrell. He is an oak when it comes to changing his mind about something. Solid oak. I pleaded my case. After many "talks" and tons of tears Darrell decided that he kinda liked the idea himself. He had reached the same point as I and was perfectly content to continue on status quo. We all know where the story goes from here. I am the lucky mommy to one perfect little boy. My pregnancy and Evan's birth is a story better saved for another day, but you can just believe I did it up in pure Amy style. :) I suppose the point I'm getting around to here is that it really is important to never give up on any dream you may have. You just never know who might be listening in. After all, a dream is nothing more than a wish your heart makes. I believe that now.
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